Yes I have some sort of the most awful disease ever known to mankind. Imagine if swine flu and bird flu got together with Ebola and IBS and then had some weird love child. That's how i feel. Two types of flu mixed with skin melting and pooping all over myself. I am not actually doing any of those things, I think I just have a cold but I felt the hyperbole was necessary in order to get my point across.
The weird part is I really only get sick like this about once a year, around this time. It feels like my body stores up all the sickness of the world and then just dumps it on me all at once. I go catatonic for about 24 hours and absolutely nothing in the world can possibly help me against my plight. But in fairness to me I do develop, what the greater medical community refers to as, a MAN COLD.
Some of you may be wondering what I mean by a man cold. A man cold is much different than a silly lady cold. A lady cold involves some cute sneezing and maybe a sore throat. A MAN COLD is festering virus that incapacitates every part of your respiratory, and circulatory system as well as your mental capacity and immune system. This means that you may or may not develop Ebola from the whole ordeal. Which I have, twice.
A man cold is immune to almost every form of over the counter treatments. It is a plight which should only be handled with netflix/ xbox and an occasional call to the CDC in case of accidental exposure to the female populace. It is like the Dr. pepper 10 of diseases. Not for Women. Hence why it is called MANNnNNN COLLLLDDD.
I think I am dying. I can feel the life slipping from my body as I pass into that next great adventure.
Tell my story.
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