The Joys of Puppy Ownership or Why I Can't Have Kids

The Joys of Puppy Ownership or Why I Can't Have Kids

   Over Christmas my lady friend was given a puppy as a Christ mas present. It was a surprise to both of us. Now, she had been looking into getting a puppy for quite some time, but we hadn't looked into puppy proofing her apartment or anything and this little bundle of energy and need was thrust into our lives.

     I knew as soon as the bag containing Korra (that's the puppies name) was handed to her, I was instantly demoted to second in her life. Before I continue, I must say that I do love the puppy. I don't harbor any ill will towards it, it is just a major life change that no one can prepare you for.

    The hardest part of the puppy is the amount of sleep that you lose. When you have to wake up in the middle of the night because the puppy has started to bark needing to pee, various very cruel things run through your mind. You resent every dog that has ever been born for cursing you with the lineage that led to this little puff ball interrupting your eight hours. Also the lack of being able to sleep in on weekends anymore takes it's toll. Suddenly you find yourself in bed at 11:30 on a saturday, because you know that 8:30 puppy time is going to be there soon. As you drift off to sleep you look at the clock and wonder what happened. As few as 3 years ago 11:30 was when the night was just getting started. You had maybe been out at the bar for 45 minutes and you were just starting to meet up with your friends. Then you get a puppy and all of a sudden 11:30 means putting down your copy of "Game of Thrones" and drifting slowly off into a very shallow sleep that is interrupted by the slightest dog whimper.

    After almost a month of this sort of behavior, it has made me realize I can never have children. Kids are infinitely more responsibility than puppies, and they don't come with a magic crate. Ah yes, the crate. If there was a child here, instead of a puppy, then we could not have gone out on new years. You cannot crate a kid. Which honestly seems like a bit an oversight on the part of early parents who enjoy spending time with crying infants.

    There are so many things that you can do with a puppy that you can't do with a kid. You can't over fill a kids bowl and then leave for multiple hours at a time. If a kid is peeing you cant hold them at an arms length until you get outside. You can't make a kid learn to sit before giving them food. This is why dogs are better than kids, because they learn that the dog/owner relationship is a two way street. They understand that they, as the dog, must act in appropriate manner in order to get what they want. Kids just cry. and cry. and take and take and take.

It's absurd.